Whispers of the Forgotton
"My dreams are for the future, but I died yesterday"
Don't judge what you can't comprehend...
i hope you are ok.
Hey, well I got really sick the other day. I don't know why...well not really "sick". I just woke up really dizzy and every direction I looked I got a "shifting" sensation like I was high or something. I got 11 headrushes/dizzy spells that morning and the rest of the morning I was just dizzy. It was kind of scary. I thought something was really wrong. The first headrush I got was the strongest I've ever had. I was leaving the bathroom when I got it and I stood there for a while to wait for it to pass, but it didn't. It was taking too long to pass so I unlocked the door to go tell my mom and she was right in the dining room, but it felt like forever to get there. I couldn't balance myself and I was very confused and scared because it hadn't gone away yet. I tried to tell her and my dad, but they kind of ignored me and started talking which made things feel even worse because I felt like I couldn't talk much either for some reason. When they finally listened they started accusing me of doing drugs, but I sat down with them as I tried to convince them I wasn't. I was still "spinning." Then things kind of started just going "off to the side." It sucked so bad and I was so scared, I thought that I was going to faint or something. When it was gone I was left feeling confused and disoriented, dizzy.
Anyway I went to the emergency room and the doctor said that sometimes that happens and he gave me these pills that made everything sooo much better and I was completely relazed during the whole day lol.
So what I really wanted to write was that I'm going on a diet (hoping this will help me commit to it). My boyfriend says he is going on it with me. I gained weight and uggh...it doesn't feel good at all to know it. So I guess this is foreal this time. I tried to go on a diet a thousand times since my ED and I swear to god that every single time I feel like I REALLY DO MEAN IT and I REALLY AM GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME....then 2 days later I am licking the chocalate off my fingers...lol...ok...no....it isn't funny. Yeah, it's like my brain is trained to think that if I eat a whole lot I will lose weight (because I'm not purging afterwards).......yeah.....I think 2 years of that will do it............2 fucking years of eating a fucking cow a day and then getting rid of it..........i think so
wish me luck