Hey, well I got really sick the other day.  I don't know why...well not really "sick".  I just woke up really dizzy and every direction I looked I got a "shifting" sensation like I was high or something.  I got 11 headrushes/dizzy spells that morning and the rest of the morning I was just dizzy.  It was kind of scary.  I thought something was really wrong.  The first headrush I got was the strongest I've ever had.  I was leaving the bathroom when I got it and I stood there for a while to wait for it to pass, but it didn't.  It was taking too long to pass so I unlocked the door to go tell my mom and she was right in the dining room, but it felt like forever to get there.  I couldn't balance myself and I was very confused and scared because it hadn't gone away yet.  I tried to tell her and my dad, but they kind of ignored me and started talking which made things feel even worse because I felt like I couldn't talk much either for some reason.  When they finally listened they started accusing me of doing drugs, but I sat down with them as I tried to convince them I wasn't.  I was still "spinning."  Then things kind of started just going "off to the side."  It sucked so bad and I was so scared, I thought that I was going to faint or something.  When it was gone I was left feeling confused and disoriented, dizzy.

Anyway I went to the emergency room and the doctor said that sometimes that happens and he gave me these pills that made everything sooo much better and I was completely relazed during the whole day lol.

So what I really wanted to write was that I'm going on a diet (hoping this will help me commit to it).  My boyfriend says he is going on it with me.  I gained weight and uggh...it doesn't feel good at all to know it.  So I guess this is foreal this time.  I tried to go on a diet a thousand times since my ED and I swear to god that every single time I feel like I REALLY DO MEAN IT and I REALLY AM GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME....then 2 days later I am licking the chocalate off my fingers...lol...ok...no....it isn't funny.  Yeah, it's like my brain is trained to think that if I eat a whole lot I will lose weight (because I'm not purging afterwards).......yeah.....I think 2 years of that will do it............2 fucking years of eating a fucking cow a day and then getting rid of it..........i think so

wish me luck

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